Friday, 10 October 2014

10 Reasons My Tour Guide Is Better Than Yours

When you go solo on a tour there are many things that can make it or break it for you. My tour guides did this for me. With the knowledge that all good guides need to posess, a friendly outgoing nature you could peg them for any other bog-standard, run-of-the-mill tour guide right? Wrong, here are 10 reasons my tour guides are better than yours. 

If you have any I add for these guys put it in the comments below! 

1. Brett's beard - I need say no more on this topic than it was chiseled by the gods in a red so prolific it makes all the guys jealous and all the girls swoon. The mans got a beard to be worshipped.
2.Matts Eyes - Matt has the eyes of a hawk. Spotting lizards, kangaroos, wedge tail eagles and even a Taipan snake (a very rare sight) before anyone else has even had chance. Some might say they are bionic, either that or we are all just blind.
3.Their knowledge extends past the tour - there is a reason Brett has the nickname "RF" or Random Facts. I learnt more in one tour about the world from non-tour related facts about bathrooms, politics and general knowledge to tour related facts than any other trip in a few hours. Matt on the other hand is a walking animal and plantlife encyclopaedia, if it's alive he knows what it is.
4. Road games - have you ever played game of eye spy that lasted longer than 30 minutes? How about an hour? Try several, that got increasingly more difficult and much more competitive with a team element of guide vs girls (Lisa and I) that made a 10 hour drive feel like 5 minutes.
5. They like to talk s*** - pardon my language but there is no way better of phrasing this point. They like to talk s*** for hours and we like talking it back to them. All manner of topics are on the table till you laugh so hard you forget to breathe.
6. Photography 101 - when it comes to photography these guys are not great, they are professors. It's not a picture my friends it is a work of art. Want to know how to do it? For a chocolate milk and some chilli sauce they will imbibe you with the knowledge of the camera gods and transform your selfies into a masterpiece.
7. They are instructional - Streuth these guys get about! Want to know how to roll a swag? Maybe you want to track a dingo? Or just how to take the cap off your Peroni with your thongs (sandals for us Brits). They have instructional videos on all these topics and more. Maybe you will spot them on YouTube one day.
8. Storytellers - all good stories for kids have to come complete with voices. Well this pair will embellish any story with an accent should it be required (or even if it's not), just to give it authenticity or hilarity. Tell me you have forgotten a story with voices and I might believe you, unless Brett told it.
9. Grill Masters - boy can these guys cook. From barbecues to burritos, pancake breakfasts and home made hash browns, you better watch your waistline because once you have tried their food you won't want to stop eating even when you are full. 
10. Prankster prince - these boys are not afraid of a bit of light hearted fun, I mean road trips would be boring without a prank of two right? So that dingo scratching at your swag may not be a real dingo, it might be Brett. Also maybe don't take a photo of him asleep on the bus transfer from the Ghan to Katherine Gorge, he may compose an email to your mum saying you are pregnant (see below). On the other hand if you leave your camera at the front of the bus you may get funny photos of them to treasure when you get home. 

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